I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
