You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
