First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
they're like a gay fantastic four
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
