you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
