Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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