The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
me + whiskey = a bad person
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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