We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
