did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
