5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
