my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
