i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
