Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
