I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
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