Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I love you.
Bad choice
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