Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize