This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
