He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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