i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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