his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
