Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
