you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
