Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Holy shit dude........stairs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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