Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
