Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
