just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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