Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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