So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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