Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you will always have a special place in my vag
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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