her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize