I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Text me some of your sweat
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
