if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
