I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
