one two three fourrrrnication!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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