tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
