u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
