Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
