nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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