You just made me feel so damn special
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
