I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
