you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
