im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
