Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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