My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
