you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
try to milk me bitch
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