PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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