I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
