Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
