i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
