hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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