Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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