what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
