I can feel you judging me through the phone.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize