so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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