you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
