Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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