remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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