I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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