Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
