It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
