My hand turned me down
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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