Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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