dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
