she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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