If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
