when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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