he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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