im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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